STRAW...THIS WRITING THING

AUG 17 2007

I've been thinking, feeling this for a long, long time...

Once every 4 or 6 years...it pops up.

Doing so now...right after a long, writing session.

Started writing fiction -- it took on a visual flow because of my love for comics, graphic novels, paintings...MOVIES! of course...

...but also because of my dreams when I sleep...and a natural gift or curse -- to seeing stuff in a very extremely visual manner.

So...being strongly attracted to pulp fiction/noir novels from dead, unknown (at least by today's readers) novelists...

...who also wrote in a strong, very distinct, visually - driven manner (DAVID WILLIS's CASSIDY'S GIRL as one); many of my early and current screenplays flowed more like visual novels than...easy to read...simple (with a lot of white space) commercial scripts.

I've read script after spec script of the easy to read, lotsa white space commercial scripts.

I've outlined my own along those similar outlined, same, commercial scripts.

And they always (well, except for one in film school which turned out to be bad, even though my teacher liked it -- don't ask me why)
turned back into these stranger, visual - novels as screenplays.

I'm not directing on the page.

No production numbers, etc.

Not wasting a page describing a door...or all these interior thoughts.

None of that nonsense.

It's like....

Even with the tightest, specific beat sheet, outline...

...these beginning of easy ti read, easy to write, commercial type of scripts turn into something out of my control.

I love being the channel.

Just being the tool for this universe to work through.

I understand the construct of a scene...conflict after conflict.
beginning, middle, end.
Character arc, etc.

But...I think, after these next 3 scripts...the revenge thriller, RAGE;
an untitled raunch comedy I've been dying to do...

...and a Hitchcockian thriller, THE LIES OF OUR TIME...(which ends, obviously...on a dark, tragic note for many...but personally healing and real...and powerful for me)....

...I'm going back to doing fiction...a novel, I worked on in film school, but mostly as an undergrad, an hallucinogenic thriller, A KILLING OF DREAMS.

And then a metaphysical crime-noir...HITCHING CHINA.

Both are masquerading the spiritual journies as genre pulp fiction.
Which will be a blast to play with and just go all out on.

Keeping a definite page count of 250 pages each.

I was just hoping by now...the scripts would take off...and pay me enough to just write my books...travel...and write more books and do more traveling.

Instead of working construction.
Which has been cool.
Kept me in shape.
Met great characters.

And even though I'm not doing it now...the past 48 hours just hit me:

Can't waste anymore of my life. On anything.

Who knows...maybe I'm supposed to be doing the fiction first.
Instead of the other way around.

And then the scripts will be written that are meant to be bought if even that.

I don't know anymore.
Maybe I'm just going through something...

RAGE, act1, kinda ballooned...even though it was a tight, specific outline.

And I'm starting to feel, even though it's the first draft...and all mine...etc., that if I don't write it the way the Universe...the character, etc., wants this specific story told...and just use me as the channel...

...one of two things are going to happen:

1) It's not going to get done...and will bug the hell outa me, and screw me all up for any thing else...because this story and character will haunt me.
They always have...from day one.
If I don't do the first draft...to be done as it wants; not as I wnat it.

2) I'm gonna say fuck it to screenwriting forever...which I can't,
'cause I know how fucking close I am to finally breaking through (again)
and I'm not going to fuck it up this time...because of the wrong people, and drugs and booze.

3) Did I say 2? Sorry. Rambling time.

I've told a lot of struggling writers in struggling times...not to give up, no matter what. Writers write. period. We write.
which means...we go all the way to the end. We complete.
I've never cut and run before with my scripts...and my current RAGE...something like, 30 feature scripts now?

Close to it.

And there are 15 other ones outlined or in synopsis.

Time I did what i've always done before, let alone tell others -- COMPLETE!

But...

4) I will have stopped short of fulfilling my destiny.
It's why I came back in this lifetime...

Had another dream last night about Hollywood...

On stage...holding up the OSCAR.

In my family home back in Nebraska...(which has already been sold
and lived in by another, young family)...in my parents' room, and hOLDING the OSCAR...while my Mom is happy. Really happy.

My dad passed away a few years ago...and I wanted so bad to break through while he was alive...so I could tell him thanks.
With all my love.

Well...that's my deal for tonight.

Write on Straw. Be cool.

I'll finish RAGE before I know it.

Just had to tell someone else.

MARK11